The Way Up

EMMA'S BOAT

Part Four

It wasn’t a long walk up to the top of the cliffs but it was steep. The path quickly turned from the relatively flat and grassy landing into a twisted rocky climb. The steepness of the slope was both a blessing and a curse, on one hand it encouraged walking bent forward at the waist which alleviated the pressure of the strap between my legs. But on the other hand it involved a lot of reaching out to grab things and big steps up over rocks; both of which were actions that were more difficult in the tight fitting jacket. On a particularly steep and loose bit of path I reached out above my head to grab a branch for support. My arm pushed up on the shoulder of the jacket, causing the crotch strap to tighten. While taking a big step up over a boulder I had to extend one leg while leaving the other on the ground, causing a similarly awkward effect. Any time we found ourselves on a bit of flat ground I would naturally straighten my posture; and be reminded of that purple strap running between my legs, and how it contrasted against the white shorts it was bunching up.

I did my best to ignore it and act natural but I couldn't help a bit of twisting and squirming, and several times I caught myself pulling at the crotch strap when it got particularly bad. The twisted trail offered a couple of opportunities to do so less obviously. Even with Jamie and Steph hiking up the trail behind me.

As we neared the top of the hill the path suddenly dropped down into a narrow gully. The path ran steeply down into it then up the far side where it ran into a small but vertical rock face.

To me, not used to these sort of excursions, it looked impassable.

“Where are we supposed to go from here?”

Emma proceeded to hop lightly down into the steep gully like it was nothing. I noted that she didn’t look nearly as silly in her relatively normal life jacket and black helmet. She really had to give me the bright orange one.

“Down and up again.”

Emma made it look easy, Mike followed after her more casually, choosing his footing with care but still moving casually.

I moved forward carefully, one step at a time. My shoes didn’t offer a huge amount of grip on the rocks. Walking steeply downhill had the opposite effect that uphill had, I found myself keeping a very straight posture, even leaning back a bit to keep my balance. I desperately wanted to pull at the now very tight strap between my legs but two things stopped me: one, I felt I needed my arms out to help balance; and two, I was out in the open with Jamie and Steph watching me descend from the top and Emma turning to watch from the bottom. Being conscious of the audience made me want to pull at the strap all the more but I kept it together. I was glad we weren't going to be hiking downhill all the way back, this short section was enough of that.

At the bottom of the gully I reached a rocky ledge that Emma had jumped down, looking over the edge I could see about a four foot drop to a flat rock. I wasn’t jumping that. Thinking I would climb down I started by sitting on the ledge with my feet hanging off the edge. That got me a good foot and half but I was still too high. Taking my weight on my arms I slid my but out off the edge and tried to lower myself down. The life jacket was squeezed between me and the rock and did provide some padding but it was also catching on the rocks causing the jacket to ride up as I lowered myself down; putting some strain on the crotch strap, especially with my legs hanging straight down in open air beneath me.

I quickly realized I had made a mistake. I should have done this backwards, facing the rock, once my elbows were fully bent I couldn’t lower myself any further. I felt around with my feet to see If there was any foothold I could use but I was coming up empty and my arms were getting sore. Not to mention the effects of the crotch strap.

I started trying to lift myself back up onto the rock and get turned around, but my arms were at such an awkward angle now, I pushed myself back up but tired to get myself turned around too quickly as I did so and somehow lost my balance. One second I was all twisted up on the ledge trying to get into a better position to climb down. The next I was falling through empty air, my life flashing before my eyes. I hadn’t even fully understood I had fallen when I slammed into the ground. I landed on my back, my head striking a rock as I did. The helmet did it’s job and while I felt the blow it didn't hurt, it felt like being hit by a fast dodgeball from behind. I lay there stunned, the wind knocked out of me. Shaking my head I managed to get up into a sitting position just in time to see Emma and Mike running up to me.

“Holy crap are you ok????!!”

I was still shaken but managed a nod and thumbs up.

“Shit I thought you were gonna die there for a second, are you sure you're ok?”

Emma and Mike had both reached me as I managed to get to my feet, moving my arms and legs around to make sure I was in fact ok”

“Ya, pretty sure, nothing seems busted”

“Thank god you had your helmet on, I saw you take hit on that rock when you came down”

“Ya.. Ya that was a good call” I nodded at Emma, acknowledging her advice earlier.

Jamie scampered down the rock and seeing that I was standing and ok, offered some useful advice.

“Go down backwards next time, it’s a bit easier that way.”

“Ya, ya, I figured that one out about halfway through.”

A moment later Steph was also at the bottom of the ledge and we were back on our way. The gully was pretty narrow so it was only a moment before we were heading uphill again, and only another moment before we were at the vertical rock face.

Emma paused before starting up and looked at me.

“You ok”

Looking at the rockface I honestly wasn't sure, it wasn't that high, 6 or 7 feet, I was committed to regaining my honor.

“Ya, Ya I got this”

“Ok”

Emma turned and started up, again she made it look easy, moving fluidly up the side and was over the top in moments. Steph was there next and started up the side. Standing below here I got an all new angle on the yellow strap between her legs. I looked over at Jamie and Mike to avoid staring only to see them both watching her climb. Turning my gaze back to the only other person strapped into a childs lifejacket, all I could see was that bright yellow strap running between her legs. As Steph finally scampered up over the edge Mike nodded at me.

“You’re up”

Great I thought, enjoy the show.

Stepping up to the rock face I took a moment to adjust my helmet, now glad to have it.

Reaching my arms up over my head to get handholds caused my shoulders to push up on the jacket, the strap between my legs was already annoying me but I could hardly adjust it with everyone watching me. I got one foot up on the rocks and felt pretty good so I started up slowly. I had been very aware of the jacket while hiking, climbing in it was a whole other game. My arms and legs were stretched out and I had no ability to slouch or twist. I couldn't do anything to alleviate or change the pressure of the strap between my legs. The urge to pull at it was getting distracting and it was starting to drive me crazy. The foam panels, collar, and straps limited my mobility and made the climbing slower than it would have been otherwise. The plastic buckle on the front of my life jacket bumped and scraped against the rocks as I went, keeping my body as close to the rocks as I could. After a few minutes of slowly working my way up I couldn't take it, stopping and reaching behind me I found the crotch strap and pulled at it attempting to relieve some pressure, trying not to think about Mike and Jamie standing below me. Emma was looking down from above and couldn’t see why I stopped.

“You ok?”

“Ya, all good”

There wasn’t much that I could do about the crotch strap in my current position. So I just got going again, slowly making my way up. It was a short climb but I wasn’t used to much in the way of physical exertion and I was starting to get tired. As I approached the top I could hear that Emma’s voice was only a few feet away.

“Ok… got you”

“Whaa”

Suddenly I felt my lifejacket pulled upwards, she didn't lift me, but Emma was pulling up on the jacket enough to take some of my weight. It was surprisingly helpful, taking a lot of the strain off my arms. But it was also causing the jacket to try and ride up, the crotch strap was pulled up into a wedgie. With my weight partly supported I was actually able to squirm as a result of the strap pulling up into me. Looking up, Emma was hanging over the side reaching down to get a hold of the grab loop at the top of my collar. Recovering quickly from the surprise wedgie I stopped my brief squirming and tried to take my weight back on my arms by resuming my climb Emma, ever helpful, kept pulling up on the jacket as I climbed, so that I was half climbing, half being pulled up the rocks; the jacket riding up under my shoulders and between my legs the last few feet of the climb. As I got to the top Steph joined Emma, grabbing hold of the Lifejacket, and the two of them, apparently not willing to risk me falling again, unceremoniously hauled me up over the edge and onto the flat ground at the top. I tried to get my footing as I was dragged over the top, but with the two of them dragging me forward I wasn't able to get my feet under me. Instead I was dragged on my belly across the ground until my legs cleared the empty air while the strap between my legs gave me my biggest wedgie yet. With me safely off the cliff Steph and Emma released me, leaving me laying facedown on the ground, and rushed back to check on Mike and Jamie. I lay there for a moment, my helmet resting on the dirt gave my face a little room with my nose to the ground. The collar was flopped forward over the back of my head like a canopy, the foam of my jacket padded my chest on the rocky ground, my arms were down by my side and legs were splayed out behind me. Despite the awkwardness of the crotch strap wedgie I waited a moment before moving. After a few breaths to calm down I managed to roll over onto my back and sit up. Steph was helping Mike over the edge, without a “handy” grab loop on his lifejacket she opted to just give him a hand to grab. Rolling onto my knees I pulled at the crotch strap, fixing my wedgie before getting to my feet and brushing myself off.

Looking around it appeared we had arrived, there were no trees on the ledge, the ground was mostly rocks and dirt. About fifteen feet away the ground suddenly ended and beyond was just empty space. I walked over to get a better look as Jamie was being given a hand up.