Chip Stand Expedition

EMMA'S BOAT

Part Two

As Emma throttled the boat up and pulled away from the dock I couldn't help thinking about the Life Jackets we were wearing. It was so strange how normal they seemed to Emma and Steph. In my mind they were juvenile at best and at worst downright embarrassing. The jacket was extremely bulky and noticeably limited my movement. It felt weird, the padding pressed up against the seat was reminding me of its presence. Emma had tightened up the straps significantly, almost to the point of discomfort, though the jacket was actually not uncomfortable, it just felt awkward being strapped into it, and it was impossible to forget you had it on. The fact that Steph was also wearing one made it much less embarrassing, I caught myself wondering if she felt as weird about the jacket as I did, the nonchalant way she had donned the vest seemed to imply that she was more ok with it than I was, not to mention taking Emma’s side when I complained about the tightness of the between the leg strap.

Steph and Emma were attempting to have a conversation over the sound of the boat's motor, I wasn't really paying attention, being more preoccupied with the mess of foam and straps secured around my torso and running between my legs.

Emma called to Steph to look at something off to the right and Steph got out of her seat and walked over holding onto the windscreen for balance as she did so. Again I noticed how the bright yellow strap that passed between her legs stood out against the shiny black of her swimsuit. Looked like I wasn’t the only one with a bit of a wegie. I was struck by how surprisingly long that strap was as she bent over next to Emma to look at where she was pointing.

I was snapped out of my trance when Emma turned to me and called me forward to look as well. As I stood up, my own overly long ‘between the legs strap’ tightened up again. The bulk of the life jacket reminded me of its presence by interfering with my arms as I reached for the side of the boat for balance.

Emma was pointing at a restaurant with a dock they sometimes would eat at while boating, way across the lake. She was half yelling over the sound of the boat. “Are you guys hungry at all?”

I replied “not really but I can get a fry or something if you guys are, I'm easy” I returned to my seat before hearing Stephs response. I wanted to sit down again to loosen that long strap between my legs. It still just felt odd, particularly when I looked down to see the long purple strap cross the lower part of my stomach and curve down between my legs. I noticed that my purple strap contrasted the white shorts I was wearing even more than Steph’s yellow on black. Looking at Steph I could see again how it looked from behind and couldn't help but think about how I looked the same. Though I had to admit again, once I sat down, that it was not uncomfortable at all. I just felt really embarrassed with it on.

Sitting in the back I was able to forget about the jacket for a few minutes, enjoying the hot sunny day and being out on the water. I could see why people were so into this, the boat was really flying across the water, it was a great way to spend a summery day. My brief respite was cut short as Emma turned the boat causing a shift in the wind. I was startled as something suddenly smacked into the back of my head. Turning and reaching behind me I realized the wind was pushing the collar of the life jacket up against my head. I pushed it back down annoyed, only to have it pop-up again. I repeated this several times before giving up. ‘Great’ I thought ‘now I have a big yellow collar. I got up and made my way to the front of the boat, the collar pressed up the back of my head the whole way. After making it to the front of the boat I forced the collardown behind my back and lay down on top of it on the reclined seat so it couldn't flip up. What I failed to predict was that laying down was like standing up and made the strap between my legs tighter. It was giving me a bit of a wedgie and I started to pull at it, trying to loosen it or make it more comfortable. I was still totally unsure how Emma had adjusted it, as far as I could tell it was a fixed length. I pulled at the plastic buckle a bit, I wanted to just unclip it but that seemed taboo based on Emma’s earlier reaction. Suddenly realizing that I was now at the front of the boat though and in full view of Steph and Emma, I stopped fiddling and just put up with it.

Emma and Steph must have decided food was worth getting as we were headed right that way and now getting quite close. A few minutes later Emma pulled the boat into the restaurant dock. She yelled over the engine as she throttled down.

“We’re just gonna grab some snacks to go from the stand”

Emma knew how to handle the boat, she docked it perfectly, coming to a stop just off the floating dock. Steph was first out grabbing the rope that Emma tossed her. I got up from my seat and followed. Jumping over to the dock. Emma reached over, handing me the rope for the front which I went about tying off. As I bent down the collar from the jacket fell onto the back of my head again. I was more than ready to take the jacket off. But, having already made a scene, I figured I would wait for Steph and Emma to take theirs off first.

As I stood up however it was looking like this might not be the case, Steph and Emma were both still wearing their life jackets, and they were walking down the dock toward shore. I really, really, didn't like the idea of walking around the somewhat busy area strapped into a children's life jacket; complete with a large collar and strap between my legs, and I strongly considered taking mine off, but Emma and Steph had both been so weirdly hostile about a minor complaint earlier. After a brief moment of internal struggle I let out an “ugh” and hurried after them; my life jacket still on, all bucked up securely.

I caught up to them as they were making their way up a wooden set of stairs to the restaurant and chip stand. Steph's life jacket looked so out of place, with the strap standing out against her swimsuit and it’s large yellow collar and grab loop. I was trying desperately not to think about how mine must look the same.

As we got to the top of the stairs I glanced left at the restaurant just a couple meters away. It had large floor to ceiling windows and in the direct sun they reflected back my own image like a mirror, against my own judgment, and without wanting to, I stopped and stared. An 18 year old in a tightly secured bright yellow life jacket with contrasting purple straps. Complete with a large collar, grab loop and a crotch strap. The purple strap around my waist was tight enough that it visibly squished the lifejacket inward, not a little, a lot, it was obvious in the reflection two meters away. The collar didn’t lay completely flat down against my back the way I thought it did, rather it went out at a sort of 30 degree angle, sticking up and out away from me like a peacock's tail. Worst of all, the purple strap against my white pants was even worse than I had thought. Not only was it totally impossible to miss the vibrant purple on white, ironically one of my favorite color combinations, but it was bunching up what were meant to be relatively loose shorts. It looked every bit as tight as it felt, slowly I turned to see my back, twisting at the waist to look at the window still so that I was twisted around like I was posing for a photo. The purple strap was pulling down on the back of the jacket, pulling the bottom edge of the jacket down into a ‘V’. The jacket only came down to about the middle of my back. The strap ran the rest of the way down, first against my yellow shirt, then over the white pants, finally disappearing into a wedgie. My yellow T Shirt was even worse than my white pants, it made the purple really pop. I could not have picked a worse wardrobe for today. My wedgie was plainly obvious from the back. I was in the middle of pulling on it, trying to pull the strap out of my but when I realized it was a window I was standing in front of. Leaning in a bit I saw someone staring right at me. Turning quickly I walked away as fast as I could without running.

Catching up with the others at the chip stand I realized I was still pulling at the strap between my legs and forced myself to stop. Looking at Steph’s crotch strap I now realized it was definitely not remotely as tight as mine. Nor was her waist strap. It wasn’t squishing the lifejacket the way mine was; and her crotch strap was not pulling down on the back of her jacket or disappearing up into a wedgie like mine.

Emma was just finishing her order. Looking at the menu I wasn’t able to begin to make any decisions. Standing in my life jacket in front of some teenager, who had to be at least three years younger than me, the best I was able to manage was “Small fries please” , fishing out my wallet and paying. Standing around waiting for our orders, I swear every third person was staring right at me. What on earth were Steph and Emma chatting so casually about?

Food finally in hand, it was everything I could do not to run back to the boat. Passing the store I couldn't stop myself from looking at our reflection. Again I was shocked at my appearance, the purple strap stood out against the yellow and white like an advertisement. Steph’s jacket was definitely not as tight or noticeable as mine. I managed to wait until we were making our way down the stairs, with Steph and Emma ahead of me and out of sight of the restaurant, before I started to pull at my crotch strap again. I didn’t think Emma would notice if it was like half an inch less tight, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to get it to loosen.

Back at the boat I finally resolved to try again with the tightness of my jacket. Rolling my shoulders and unable to fix my wedgie I pleaded with Emma.

“Emma, I really think this life jacket is a bit too tight” I was pulling at the foam on the front, twisting, and trying to adjust the jacket.

Emma turned to face me, looking a little annoyed but not hostile. Wordlessly she took two steps over and stuck her finger in under the arm whole, presumily seeing if she could feel space between the waist strap and me. Then moving behind me she grabbed the shoulders and yanked up hard twice. Making my wedgie much worse.

“It’s totally fine. That’s how it’s supposed to fit. Does it hurt at all?”

“Well no...” It didn't hurt per-say

“Then quit complaining, seriously...”

It was more than I could take. “Well what about Steph!”

Emma turned, looking much more annoyed . Steph didn't wait for her to respond though.

“What? What about me?”

“Your jacket is WAY looser than mine.”

“Is not”

A now thoroughly annoyed Emma walked over to Steph and repeated what she had done to me, pulling on the waist strap and yanking up on the shoulders. Her expression changed as she pulled the jacket around and lifted it, ever so slightly, off Steph’s shoulders. Steph looked more than a little put off at the procedure.

“Ow wow, ya Steph you are a bit loose.”

“Wha-?” Steph tried to object.

Emma was already going. “Hold still let me fix it”

Steph’s face was a mixture of shock and embarrassment as Emma set about “fixing” her life jacket. This had not been my intent at all but it was hard not to feel some satisfaction after Steph had shut down my complaints so harshly early that day. Emma followed the same procedure she had with me starting with the belt around Steph’s waist. She pulled hard on the loose end and I watched several inches of slack pull through easily. Steph was holding onto her food and drink trying not to spill as she was yanked about. Then Emma gave it several good hard tugs, taking off just a bit more slack and making the strap squish Steph’s life jacket in the way mine did. Steph’s arms were spread out from her sides slightly. She looked like she wasn't sure what to do. She was just kinda standing there awkwardly as Emma worked around her. This time I got to see how the crotch strap worked as Emma unclipped it and spun Steph around so her back was to us. There was a little clip that moved along the strap. The strap came down from the back of the jacket, went through the buckle then back to this clip. The more this clip was moved away from the buckle the shorter the crotch strap was. It was no wonder I hadn’t been able to get it to loosen. It also explained why Emma had undone mine when she tightened it up. Emma eyeballed Steph’s crotch strap and slid the clip a good few inches back, dropping the crotch strap and letting it swing as she spun Steph around again. Steph had no time to react as Emma’s hand shot between her thighs grabbing the dangling strap and pulling it up to the buckle. Like she had with me Emma had to hold the female end of the buckle in her other hand and pull down to clip in the crotch strap. Finally she finished up by retying and tightening the drawstrings at the top and bottom of Steph’s vest. Emma proceeded to check over her handywork; checking the waist belt and giving Steph’s jacket a couple good tugs upward from the shoulders.

Steph let out an “Ugh” when Emma yanked on her jacket's shoulders and bent over slightly immediately afterward.

“Ok there we go. Seriously Steph I thought you would have your jacket on correctly. You have come boating with my family before”

‘Ya I have but this is a bit tight Emma” Now it was Steph that was pulling at her crotch strap awkwardly and looking embarrassed. Her drink now in the crook of her other arm as she squatted slightly.

Now at this point I had a choice and I’m not really sure why I did what I did. But I had already been through, what I saw as, the worst of it. I had been gawked at by strangers and paraded around in this state. And Steph had shut me down when I made similar complaints.

“Now, Steph, we need to be safe, and you can hardly ask Emma to disobey her parents' wishes the first time out with the boat.”

Steph just looked at me and stared. Emma, not hearing the sarcasm in my voice, made a satisfied noise and jumped into the boat. Now, strangely, enjoying Steph’s situation more than I was put off by my own, I climbed aboard after her. Steph followed rather awkwardly, pulling at her vest and squirming about.